An epidemic of accidents.

Summer TV Guide

2010-06-10T21:55:00.000-04:00

Glee (FOX) - Plucky high school stereotypes perform shrill versions of popular songs in an extracurricular program with a higher budget than most school districts. Why not spend an hour with the people you hated most in high school?

100 Questions (NBC) - Every Thursday night at 8:30 p.m. EST, a wormhole intercepts NBC's broadcast of Parks & Recreation and replaces it with a lost sitcom from 1997. A bold affront to originality.

So You Think You Can Dance? (FOX) - No, but I'm sure most of these people think they can, and I'm sure a few of them actually can; still, most people these days find it easier to name a famous busboy than a famous dancer.

Jersey Shore (MTV) - 2.4 million years of human evolution and these people are still in the gene pool.

The Kilborn File (FOX) - Jon Stewart = American Hero. Craig Kilborn = Douche Face. The people have spoken.

Rookie Blue (ABC) - Generic copshow about generic police academy grads who protect and serve in the most generic way network TV will allow.

The Good Guys (FOX) - Quirky copshow about quirky cop-buddies who protect and serve in the quirkiest way network TV will allow.

Losing It With Jillian (NBC) - Watch a personal trainer inspire overweight families to get into shape and transform their lives, while further imprinting your asscheeks into the sofa.

Hell's Kitchen (FOX) - An enraged Scotsman nurtures aspiring chefs in the same way R. Lee Ermey nurtured Vincent D'Onofrio in Full Metal Jacket. Chef Ramsey has yet to be poisoned in seven seasons.

Are We There Yet? (TBS) - Ice Cube has yet to steer us wrong.

Kate Plus Eight (TLC) - Custody battles, child support hearings, and awkward visitations. The show this country deserves.

Lie To Me (FOX) - Tim Roth's nose solves crimes using pseudoscience.

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC) - I thought Leno went to prison for murdering that albino kid, but I guess we're being punished in his place. The circle of Hell Dante was too afraid to describe.

Bethenny Getting Married? (BRAVO) - Why does Bravo hate America?

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (BRAVO) - If you watch this, al-Qaeda wins.

Downfall (ABC) - Another step on the road to Running Man.

Wipeout (ABC) - See above.

Shaq Vs. (ABC) - Shaq takes on athletes at their own games. If they beat him, he crushes their heads like grapes.

America's Got Talent (NBC) - Just don't expect to see any of it on this show.

BEST BET: Cancel your cable subscription and use the money you save to buy liquor. You're going to need to make it through a summer this bleak.

Happy Nazi Birthday, Soldier!

2010-04-19T17:13:00.001-04:00

I was looking for a sympathy card in my local drugstore the other day, and I stumbled across an interesting children's birthday card. The as you will see, has toy soldiers, tanks, and helicopters on the cover with the phrase "Happy Birthday Soldier" - everything a boy could want. (The rather tackily-designed card has the identical image on the inside, in black-and-white.)

The odd thing is that the soldiers on the front are Nazis. The tanks and (anachronistic) helicopter are clearly American, but anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of WWII will recognize the German uniforms, weapons, and insignia.

So if you're looking for the perfect Aryan-fantasy b-day card for your favorite Hitlerjugend, Australian company Koala of Course has delivered an excellent option.

Now that I think of it, tomorrow is Hitler's 121st birthday. He's in Argentina now, sitting quietly next to the mailbox.

It's ready...

2010-03-21T19:11:00.001-04:00

Well, I finally finished redesigning my website. I didn't think I'd ever finish it, but I was fortunately mistaken in that belief.

Feel free to have a look around: john mcminn DOT com

Rowsdower... Zap Rowsdower.

2010-03-19T13:53:00.000-04:00

Seriously, this thing belongs in a museum...

Stainless Steel Timberwolves

Creation Of The Humanoids

2010-03-19T13:20:00.005-04:00

Call me crazy, but I'd put this on my all-time Top 10 best sci-fi films, right up there with 2001: A Space Odyssey and Metropolis. This was allegedly Andy Warhol's favorite film, which makes perfect sense if you see the movie. A rare combination of so-stupid-it's-brilliant, so-brilliant-it's-stupid, and so-dull-it's-riveting, and wrapped up in an eye-popping, saturated color palette that ceased to exist by the end of the 60s, it's a perfect pop-culture document. If you're looking for something off-the-beaten-path, give it a try. I may just have to dust off my old DVD soon.

General Fiasco - Ever So Shy

2010-03-18T01:40:00.001-04:00

I worked as the assistant editor on this video back in November.

The Chuck D's

2010-02-02T01:17:00.005-05:00

Is this distinction really necessary?

A flawed list.

2010-01-22T23:07:00.010-05:00

I've been hesitant to publish any kind of best-of-the-decade list because, despite spending four years in film school, I have yet to see many of the more acclaimed films of the past decade. If the list also seems biased toward Anglophone cinema, just consider that another shortcoming of my flawed education.

Adaptation
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Audition
The Devil's Backbone
Downfall
Eastern Promises
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
George Washington
Ghost World
Gomorrah
Grizzly Man
A History Of Violence
Inland Empire
Million Dollar Baby
Mulholland Dr.
The New World
No Country For Old Men
Once
Pan's Labyrinth
The Squid and the Whale
Synecdoche, New York
Team America: World Police
There Will Be Blood
You Can Count On Me

This list will be updated periodically.